<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Beneath the Ice by HeartShard</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27313312">Beneath the Ice</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartShard/pseuds/HeartShard'>HeartShard</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bleach</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>During Canon, Eventual Requited Love, F/M, Love Confession, Misunderstandings, hiding one’s feelings for the other person’s sake</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:48:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,323</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27313312</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartShard/pseuds/HeartShard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinamori confesses her feelings to Hitsugaya, much to his dismay. Quick to prevent their familial relationship from crumbling, she takes it upon herself to swallow her growing emotions not realizing the repercussions it would have.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinamori Momo/Hitsugaya Toushirou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Good night! Take her home safely, Captain!”</p><p>Over the clinking of sake bottles and through the droning of drunken exchanges, Hitsugaya still managed to hear the slurred orders of his lieutenant as he walked away. He slid shut the door of the bar that most Shinigami had gathered at after the long week and turned toward the brisk night air; all the while he was mindful of the girl that he had been supporting on his shoulder. </p><p>“Shiro-chan, I think I’ll be okay,” she hiccupped. </p><p>He sighed. “If you were, Matsumoto wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of sending me a Hell Butterfly to pick you up.”</p><p>Hinamori laughed wearily as a way of apology, but she still tried to stand herself upright by removing her arm from around his shoulders. However, he was quite adamant and just pulled her back closer to him. With her head bowed forward and her hair occluding her eyes, Hinamori took the chance to glance up at him. Thankfully, Hitsugaya was busy looking straight ahead with the same scowl he always wore, so he took no notice of the blush creeping on her face. On the other hand, Hinamori couldn’t help but take note of the firm grip around her waist and the hot feeling on her wrist where his skin touched hers.</p><p>She continued to stare intently at the ground as they made their way to the Fifth Division Headquarters. The feeling that she had been carrying in the back of her mind had been slowly making itself more apparent. And it was now, in her intoxicated state, that she felt that the words she’d been keeping secret were just going to drop from her mouth the moment she opened it. Hitsugaya had told her recently on one chance meeting that he did not see much of her anymore, and Hinamori had told him that the amount of paperwork her division had received had been relentless. She had hoped her awkward smile was enough to hide the fact that the paperwork had been long done and had instead been doing nothing but hiding under piles of books in the library. Even at lieutenants’ meetings she had made an effort to avoid Rangiku-san to avoid any conversations relating to her captain. </p><p>Hinamori reminisced in embarrassment and knew that she would have not acted so illogically under normal circumstances. But was this heavy feeling in her chest considered normal?</p><p>“Oi, you’ve been really quiet for a while for a drunk person.” He stopped abruptly, causing her to look up at him. The look of dread had frozen over on his face. “You’re not going to puke, are you?”</p><p>Boy, did she want to. But not for the reason he thought. “Umm…”</p><p>“Wait, don’t do it here! We’re almost back to your quarters.”</p><p>To her horror, he let go of her waist and slipped his arm under her knees. </p><p>
  <em>No, no, no, no, no, no, no…</em>
</p><p>Hinamori covered her face with her hands as she felt herself be effortlessly lifted into his arms. Lowering her hands slightly, she gazed at the face she had been ardently trying to avoid. True, they had often shared the same futon when they were children, but now, his face being a hair’s breadth away was too close for comfort.</p><p>Hitsugaya felt the intense gaze peaking from above clasped hands covering her mouth. “Hold it in, </p><p>“I’m not going to throw up, Shiro-chan!”</p><p>Once again, he stopped in his tracks. “Eh?”</p><p>“I…” She had to say it; it was the only way to let it out. “I… I’m not that drunk… It’s—”</p><p>“But, you look like you’re sweating. Your face is red, your body feels hot, and…” He placed his forehead against hers, prompting a brief squeak from her. “You have a fever, don’t you?” he said while looking straight into her trepid gaze. </p><p>“So that’s why you look so awful,” he said aside to himself.</p><p>Hinamori felt a slight twitch near her eye. “That’s not it! It’s… It’s because I love you!” She exhaled and looked straight into his eyes and spoke slowly. “I’m <em>in</em> love with you.”</p><p>Her words were loud and clear, but they didn’t reverberate in the air as much as the silence that followed. Just when she believed that she had just committed the greatest regret in her life, Hitsugaya opened his mouth to speak. </p><p>“Hinamori…the love you feel…” He didn’t make eye contact with her, but looked straight ahead. “Is it different than that for family…like more than between siblings?”</p><p>She was confused at his question, but she took her time to give an honest answer. “Yes, I think so… I’ve only noticed it recently.” Hinamori looked at him, slightly at a loss. She said what she had wanted to say, what she had been keeping in for some time. But now what? Did she want anything from him? She had never gotten as far as to think about what would happen after or how he would react.</p><p>“Hinamori…” He had still not looked at her, and instead, he turned his head further away. “I’m sorry. I don’t…feel the same way.”</p>
<hr/><p>The paintbrush slid furiously over each document, one after the other, in quick succession. Matsumoto watched from the couch as her captain signed papers without even reading them as opposed to his usual meticulous methods. His eyes were affixed to the same spot on the desk surface regardless of what passed his line of sight. </p><p>“Captain, are you alright?”</p><p>After no response, she called out louder and louder until she was hovering over him in front of his desk. “Huh? What are you doing? Get back to work.”</p><p>She pursed her lips and slammed her hands on the surface. “Is that how you speak to someone who’s showing concern for you?”</p><p>“What?” </p><p>“I’m asking if you’re doing alright!”</p><p>Hitsugaya stared at her open-mouthed and looked down at the messy ink blob that was meant to be his signature. “I’m fine.” However, he knew better than most that an answer like that wasn’t going to satisfy a lieutenant like his. “I’m just tired.”</p><p>Silence lingered and he wondered if it was okay to pick up his paintbrush.</p><p>“Did something happen last night?” Matsumoto took his hesitation as a positive and nodded to herself. “So, what happened?”</p><p>“It’s none of your business.” </p><p>Matsumoto blinked back at the sudden coldness of his response and the quick flash of anger that shown in his eyes. True, his normal disposition displayed as much but with such a strong response and to her, no less, it definitely caught her by surprise. </p><p>Hitsugaya heard the bite in his answer and leaned back in his chair. “Sorry.”</p><p>“It’s okay. Is it something I can help with, Captain?”</p><p>“No. But thanks, Matsumoto. I’ll be more mindful about my work.”</p><p><em>That’s not what I was asking.</em> Still, Matsumoto stepped back from the desk and returned to her own pile of paperwork.</p><p>“Matsumoto,” he called abruptly moments later.</p><p>“Yes?” she asked while glancing at documents.</p><p>“What is love?”</p><p>Slowly her gaze lifted from the paper in her hand to the far wall of the office. In an instant, however, she spun around to her captain. “What?” she exclaimed a little too loud.</p><p>“Uh—”</p><p>“Captain, what did you just ask?” By now, she had practically leaned her weight on the back of the couch eagerly as all her paperwork scattered on the floor. </p><p>“It’s nothing. Nevermind. Get back to work.”</p><p>“Did you just ask—?”</p><p>“I did not, Matsumoto!” He got up from his desk and walked swiftly to the exit. “I’m leaving early. You can, too, once you finish.” With that, he quickly slid the door shut to hide his flustered appearance. </p>
<hr/><p>Hitsugaya paced through the corridors of his division headquarters until he found that he had made his way to the Fifth Division. There he stood, gaping like a new recruit at the large crest painted on the gates. He had almost wanted turn back. Nevertheless, he regained his composure and headed for the library. Catching curious glances as he walked down the aisles of books, he stopped when he came across a peculiar pile. </p><p>When he saw her hidden behind the wall of tomes engrossed in one, herself, he had almost wanted to laugh and forgot about his unease at that moment. “You’re fortress looks impressive today.”</p><p>The book in her hands slammed shut as she turned flabbergasted. “Shi—uh, Hitsugaya-kun…”</p><p>His smirk turned somewhat dim, and he fought to keep eye contact. “Can we… talk?”</p>
<hr/><p>They walked side by side on the busy streets of the Seireitei and had not spoken since they left the Fifth Division. Suddenly, Hinamori leaned forward so she was within his line of sight. With a shy smile she said, “Hey, let’s sit somewhere.”</p><p>Outside of a busy teahouse, they sat staring out at the other Shinigami walking about during their leisure time. They were brought out of their own respective thoughts when the waitress placed their cups on the table between them. Hinamori raised her cup to her lips and took her time taking in the taste and scent of jasmine before placing it down carefully. “What did you want to talk about, Hitsugaya-kun?”</p><p>When she looked up, she was surprised to find that he was staring hard at the table surface, completely disregarding the teacup at his side. His gaze met hers slowly and he tightened his fist before opening his mouth to speak. “Hinamori… About last night, are you— Are we…?” </p><p>“Hitsugaya-kun…” she began gently. “About the things I said before, I don’t want you to take them to heart.”</p><p>His eyes widened at that. “What?”</p><p>Hinamori slid her fingertip along the rim of the teacup, and stared down into the steam wafting from its surface. “After a night of thinking, I came to realize that regardless of our personal lives, we both have our duties to fulfill as members of the Gotei Thirteen. And when it comes down to it, the people that we’d give our lives for are those in our own divisions.” She looked up at him with a small smile. “I mean, that’s why we’re here in the first place, right?”</p><p>Hitsugaya blinked back. Although her words made sense, he still had difficulty processing their meaning. “So then—”</p><p>“I was mistaken.”</p><p>The sound of her definitive statement cut through the air over the rumbling of the busy streets. For a split second, he swore he heard the blood rush away from his face.</p><p>“I think I was just caught up in the moment saying all those things…especially after going out with Rangiku-san last night,” she laughed weakly. She caught his confused gaze and placed her hand on his wrist firmly. “Listen… You will always be my most important family to me. That will never change, no matter who we become in the future. That’s why you were worried about me today, right?”</p><p>Her question pegged him for an answer, and he was still in a daze after all she said. He had been going at her pace this entire conversation, and though he was the one who asked her to talk, he was struggling with what to say next. Then again, speaking was never his strong suit. “I just…wanted to make sure you were alright. I didn’t mean to hurt you by saying what I said. You’re my important family, too, and I would never do anything to lose you.”</p><p>Hinamori smiled at that. “You won’t.”</p><p>She removed her hand from his wrist, and although he had an affinity for cold, he noted the discomfort he felt at the action. She finished the rest of her tea and promptly stood. “I have to get to a meeting back in my division, so I’ll be off.”</p><p>“I’ll walk you back,” he said, about to stand up.</p><p>“No, that’s alright.” She motioned at him to stay. “You haven’t even had time to finish while you were busy listening to me,” she laughed. “I can make it back on my own. I’ll see you soon, Hitsugaya-kun.”</p><p>He watched her back as she walked straight into the crowd until he could no longer see her distinctive blue hair cloth in the sea of black. Although a sense of peace remained with him after their conversation, he also felt another feeling beside that. It was the same feeling of loss as when he brought her back crying to her division last night. Captain Aizen had picked her up effortlessly from his arms, thanked him, and turned around so that she could no longer be seen behind that broad back. Meanwhile, he had stood alone in the dark. It was as if instead of her cradled form in his arms, it was instead some sort of emotional burden that had been lifted from him by somebody else.</p><p>Still, he remembered the steady look in her eyes as she spoke, and he let that be the last thought he had about everything since last night. He picked up the teacup at his side and took a sip.</p><p>
  <em>Damn. It’s cold.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for the support and for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The bright rays of sunlight streamed through the window of Hinamori’s room, and this would have been enough to wake her had she not already been awake for the past several hours. She watched the time go by as the light traced the walls of her small room and cast long shadows alongside that. Slowly, she sat up from bed, knowing she still had her duties to fulfill. She knew she needed to snap herself out of this… somehow. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>She entered the Captain’s office to see Captain Aizen already busy with work at his desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry I’m late,” she bowed to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aizen put down his brush and smiled. “Please do not mind, Hinamori-kun. I know you haven’t been getting much rest lately. Is something the matter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She slid behind her smaller desk near his and began opening the morning’s scrolls. “It’s nothing, Captain Aizen,” Hinamori smiled shyly. “Thank you for the concern. I’ll be better about managing my time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aizen stared at her from the corner of his eye for a moment, before picking up his brush. “Feel free to come to me if there’s ever anything that bothers you. I’m always here to talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinamori glanced up to her captain, feeling once again the wave of comfort he bestowed upon her every time he gave her a kind word. Yes, he had been her main support since entering the Gotei 13—a protector and a confidant, of sorts. She always felt blessed to have been able to be his lieutenant. “Thank you, Captain Aizen,” she said in a low voice, feeling the slight prick of tears behind her eyes. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>As opposed to the sense of calm she had during her morning work, Hinamori felt a rising flame of anxiety in her chest as she made her way to the Tenth Division Headquarters. Clutching documents tightly against her, Hinamori walked almost robotically as she passed through the main doors. Captain Aizen had instructed her to personally deliver forms for the Tenth Captain to sign. He had further enforced that due to the confidential contents, she would need to deliver them personally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fortunately, it was around lunchtime, so it was possible that he may be out. Although she knew the way to his office, she asked one of the subordinates to escort her there. She didn't know how she would handle it if she had to meet him alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Upon opening the door, Hinamori suppressed a sigh when she was met with an empty office. Not even Matsumoto was there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Lieutenant,” said the subordinate. “It looks like Captain Hitsugaya has stepped out. I can deliver these documents to him when he returns.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinamori was so tempted to drop the forms off, there and now, but she remembered her captain’s words and politely declined. Despite what she may be feeling, she was still the Fifth Division Lieutenant; and doing her duty was the one sure thing she can always fall back on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can just wait out here,” Hinamori smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it’s you, Lieutenant Hinamori, I’m sure the Captain wouldn’t mind if you made yourself comfortable in the office.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinamori blinked at that, but cautiously walked into the office and sat on the couch. The subordinate had gone by then, so Hinamori placed the documents on the coffee table and sat back. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe I should have come later</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could feel herself sinking into the soft cushions of the couch as sleep tempted her right then. It certainly didn’t help that she was kept awake last night with such bothersome thoughts. Her eyelids began to grow heavy, and at some point, she felt her muscles relax. This office that she had been in many times was a comfort to her, the familiar scent of the person who resided in it was threatening to conduct her dreams, and memories of their last few encounters were being brought to the surface. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinamori snapped her groggy eyes open, mentally slapping herself. Breathing hard, she had realized that she dared to doze off. She quickly stood up to shake off the drowsiness, and as she looked around the room, she was relieved that she was still alone in it. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Get a grip, Momo</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she commanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked to the only desk in the office to lean on as her breathing rate was getting back to normal. Mindlessly, her eyes wandered to the pristine neatness of the work space. Everything was orderly and simple—a testament to the logical and straightforward owner. It was near opposite of her desk, which was cluttered and messy. She laughed to herself. No wonder she kept losing things. Maybe they were too different after all. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and he kept his heavily guarded. Despite all their years together, she still wasn’t able to pierce through that armor of his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She slowly pried her fingers from the edge of the desk, and turned to see green, piercing eyes fall on her from across the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hina—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah! I’m here under Captain Aizen’s orders to deliver these documents to you,” she said, gesturing to the scrolls on the coffee table. She was desperate to get the first word in. “Sorry for just being in your office. I’ll make my way out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should be the one apologizing,” Hitsugaya stated, still blocking the doorway. “Thank you for delivering these yourself. Did you wait long?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No… I didn’t.” She fought to speak clearly and calmly. She had been honing this skill as of late, but her lack of sleep made her feel like her performance was subpar. She knew that the fewer words that passed between them, the better. “I have some things to take care of back at my division, so I’ll be off.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a few steps toward the exit, but stopped as Hitsugaya took a few steps toward her. “Are you doing okay? I haven’t seen you in some time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinamori hitched a breath. Yes, that part was on purpose. She had done what she needed to do to keep these feelings and thoughts at bay. Perhaps separation would make it easier to forget them. But with every word of consideration he gave her, he was surely tearing away each layer of resilience she had been creating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” she said through the smile she practiced in the mirror. “Really, I have a ton of work to—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She froze when she felt the subtle brush of his fingertips on her cheek. The coolness felt relieving against the hot flashes of anxiety she dealt with. But, still. She would not deny the fruits of her efforts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s bags under your eyes. Are you sure you’re—?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hitsugaya stood with shocked silence as Hinamori had slapped his hand away—the sound of which reverberated in the small room. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>